We argue about being the better s*x (obviously), we’re the first to admit that boys have it so much easier. And, as if we didn’t hate boys enough, we’re also jealous of the laid-back, stress-free lives they seemingly lead.
Obviously there’s a crazy amount of cool things that come with being a girl but sometimes, the everyday monotony of dealing with life gets a little overwhelming.
We’re a pretty complex gender and often fail to determine what exactly we even want half of the time. But, given the number of things we simultaneously juggle, can you blame us?
I’ve got a list as long as my arm, which I’ll refrain from boring you with, but I’m sure most girls will nod in agreement at these simple but spot-on situations.
So, sit back, grab a tissue if you’re on your lady cycle, resist the urge to text back the assh*le if you’re having boy problems and ditch the Instagram explore page for just a minute.
Because here, my friends, are the 10 things we hate most about being girls:
Not only is it bad enough that Mother Nature makes us bleed for five consecutive days, she also throws in stomach cramps and a backache for fun. Oh, but it doesn’t stop there.
We also have these unpredictable chemical substances that decide to erupt without warning.
Common symptoms include feeling fat 24/7 and uncontrollably sobbing into a tub of ice cream for no apparent reason.
If you think you might be experiencing hormones, grab your best friend, a blanket and some serious comfort food.
While we have a secret love for periods because it means we’ve avoided pregnancy for another month, when we finally do decide we’d like a family, we have to push a small human being out of a small hole known as a v**ina.
I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked, my lady hole didn’t look like a big enough exit.
I’m well aware of the power of pelvic bone expansion, but it genuinely makes us never want to have s*x again.
We like boys, but we also sometimes hate them with every bone in our body.
I know there are some good eggs, but the majority of the time, it seems as though they’re few and far between.
We can’t seem to decide whether they actually just don’t ever think, or whether every move is calculated and intentional.
Whatever the rationale is behind it, we’re all kind of sick of the modern-day dating attitude. If you want our attention and respect, don’t be a man-hood.
We don’t know how the hell cystitis was ever invented, but we do know that it hurts like hell.
The inflammation of the bladder certainly doesn’t sound healthy, and it’s one of the most common lady problems with which we have to deal.
The battle between desperately needing to wee, but knowing it will feel like you’re pissing fire shouldn’t be a ramification of enjoying s*x or not urinating five times a day. Thank God for cranberry juice.
5. Bitchy girls
This one’s a snore. We thought that when we left school, bitching would subside and every girl on the planet would just cuddle and be friends. But apparently, it’s not cool to smile, be polite to or compliment other girls.
It’s not fun to constantly be met with resting bitch face 24/7, but maybe us basic bitches with manners haven’t caught on to the let’s hate every single girl who breathes trend yet.
6. Instagram explore page
Oh my God. Can we not? There are two real issues with this place. First, it makes us depressed that we’re not skinny, tanned goddesses with perfectly-winged eyeliner and eyebrows on fleek.
Second, when we subconsciously double tap, it’s always on the photo that has about 12 likes and was posted by that girl you know, but don’t really know, who now probably thinks you stalk her. It’s an addictive, guilty pleasure we just can’t seem to kick.
Boyfriend-less winters are fab because we can practically start a fire with the friction, but when summer rolls around, (or adult sleepovers, whatever tickles your fancy), it’s a whole different ball game.
We’re not really sure if boys or general members of the public really care, but we like to have, or at least pretend to have, a little bit of pride in our appearances.
We’re still not really sure whether silky-smooth legs are worth the multiple razor cuts we endure.
8. Weight Gain
“Thinkin’ ’bout dat summer body, but also ’bout dem tacos” – sound familiar? We love to eat, but we also love to look good.
The struggle is real. We could eat everything in moderation, but it’s much more fun to eat in excess and privately nurse a food baby afterward.
A moment on the lips really is proving to be a lifetime on the hips, which is made even more depressing when you realize it takes about half an hour on the treadmill to burn off half a Mars bar.
Let’s just go back to the Insta explore page and cry into cake because after all, it’s the things we love the most that hurt us the most.
These really are the bane of our lives. They come when you’re on your period, off your period, happy, sad or just generally breathing.
What’s more is that they have the power to make us feel like absolute sh*t. There’s no way to have a positive attitude toward zits and there’s certainly no way to embrace them.
We just have to use half a tube of concealer and a 2008 side fringe to try and cover them.
Note to self: Don’t ever tell someone she has food on her face — it’s probably a zit.
Overactive brains are probably the most common girl problem because whatever we do, we just cannot stop thinking and it drives us crazy.
We go over every tiny detail in our heads and generate answers to questions we’ll probably never get asked.
We run through completely fictional scenarios and conjure up the most kickass comebacks just because. Tip for any of you boys: If you ask a girl what she’s thinking and she says nothing, run.