6. The opposites
This couple has absolutely nothing in common, the fact that they’re together is akin to seeing a unicorn in the wild. They don’t share the same hobbies or interests, if one is short the other is of gigantic proportions, if one is a geek, the other is the very definition of suave. Why these people are together will never make sense to me.
Admittedly, they do give me hope, because if they can make it, then all our relationships have a fighting chance. There is also the plus side of constantly knowing the opinion of your partner, if B1 says they hate something, you can count your lucky starts that B2 loves it. I like to think you can pretty much gather as much information about one of them as you like, by simply talking to the other one. It’s almost like a twisted game of espionage.
Why this technique would ever be realistically useful is beyond me, but please, if you’ve used it before, let me know so that I know that I’m not alone.
7. The fetishists
The fetish loving couple loves to try new things in the bedroom, now there’s nothing wrong with spicing up the love life by introducing some new elements. The problem is when people tell you what they’re getting up to; truly there are some “elements” I wish I never knew about.
This is a true story: I was once listening to the radio and a segment about fetishes was on, a woman called in and told us that her boyfriend loved to hold her down, pry open her eye lids, and lick her eye balls. You see he loved the taste; apparently eye balls taste salty like tears…who would have known.
Hey, if that’s what you’re into, I respect that. Just ignore the look that comes over me when I come face to face with your extracurricular activities. I am simply a tame individual.
8. The oldies
The two people that comprise this relationship are no longer separate entities. They have been together for so long that they are now one single person. They like the same things, they share identical ideals, and they even finish each other’s sentences. The couple, or rather the single person they have become, is pretty eerie in their similarity.
When you inform them of their oneness, they seem to take it as a compliment…which was not the way it was intended. Also, they possess a spooky power of always being together: where you see one of them, the other must be somewhere nearby. I’ve always wondered what would happen if they stayed away from each other for only an hour, my guess is that they would just disintegrate into nothing. Note to self: it is best not to test out this theory.
9. The merge
This is a consequence of being in an “oldies” relationship. Once you’ve been together for decades, you just start to look like each other, it’s a fact… or not, but you can’t deny it’s true…doesn’t matter what science says. So, the general rule is, if you see a mature couple and they look like each other then they have been together for eons.
If you see a young couple and they look like each other, ignore the natural inclination to believe that they are siblings hanging out, and instead, realize that this couple has simply been together since before conception. It’s just logic and you should tell everyone about it.