Not every relationship is made in heaven. Some relationships are unhealthy and should be ended. Unfortunately, it is difficult to spot the signs of an unhealthy relationship early on. If the relationship has progressed a great deal, it may be hard for you to end the relationship. Instead of staying in a weakened relationship, listen to these following tips to spot an unhealthy relationship before it happens.
Partners Feel Taken for Granted
No one enjoys when they are taken for granted. This typically occurs for two reasons. In long term relationships, one partner may take the other for granted by accident. Within other relationships, it occurs because one partner loves more. The partner who loves less may unintentionally take their date for granted. Both of these circumstances are negative for the relationship. Unless you want to be resentful of your boyfriend or have him hate you later on, you have to remedy the situation.
You Rarely See Friends
You just fell in love and want to spend every waking moment with your boyfriend. Although this is understandable, you cannot keep it up for long. Both partners have to make time to see their family and friends. Complete isolation from the community is not healthy for the individual or the relationship. In addition, it can be a sign that one of the partners in the relationship is abusive. Abusive people will try to cut their partner off from friends and social connections. Even if your partner is not abusive, you still have to spend time with other people if you want to be emotionally balanced.
Insults and Disrespect
If you want the relationship to work out, both partners have to respect each other. In unhealthy relationships, respect is often lacking. A lack of respect leads to broken promises, frequent criticism or constant insults. Sniping and insults are never a good part of a relationship. Your boyfriend should make you feel good about yourself instead of worse. One of the main warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is a partner who insults and demeans the other. If this is the case, you should try to escape from the relationship.
It may not always be a sign of an abusive relationship, but arguments are certainly a sign of an unhealthy one. When you have very little in common, you may fight frequently with your spouse or boyfriend. When you live together, this occurs even more frequently. If these arguments occur too often over inconsequential matters, then you may be in a bad relationship. You should not have to spend the majority of your time in a disagreement or upset—no one deserves to live like this. If both partners cannot compromise with each other and make concessions, then it is time to find a better partner.
Your Relationship Lacks Trust
Does your partner trust you? Do you trust them? Partners who have to read their lover’s emails and search through their phones do not trust each other. It may be a sign that you do not have enough trust in your boyfriend or it could be an indication that he does not deserve your trust. Either way, the relationship is unhealthy. You should be able to trust your partner completely and faithfully. Some jealousy is always normal, but there is a limit to how much jealousy your relationship can handle. Both partners should never be jealous of the friends or accomplishments that their partner possesses.
Your Partner Is Controlling
Urban myth says that the rule of thumb existed for marriages. Husbands in past centuries could beat their wives as long as they used something thinner than their thumb. In modern times, physical abuse of this sort is less common than emotional abuse. A spouse or boyfriend does not have to physically lift a finger in order to cause harm. Attempts at controlling your life are a key warning sign of an unhealthy relationship. Controlling partners may try to stop you from visiting with friends and family. He may seem jealous of your success and even try to stop you from going to work. In some cases, controlling and emotionally abusive partners may try to dictate what you wear and how you spend your time. If this happens to you, you should leave immediately because the relationship is not healthy.
Too Much Blame
People have a habit of acting in predictable ways when a relationship ends. They start to blame the partner and may become irrationally angry. If you spend your time blaming your partner or he constantly blames you for everything, you should consider leaving the relationship.
It Isn’t Quite a Lie…
Your partner or you may not lie completely about what you are doing. Instead, you or your partner may just omit the truth or change the subject. Although completely honest relationships are not always necessary, there should never be a veil of secrecy hiding your actions. Both partners should be able to be reasonably open with each other and should avoid hiding the truth.
Unlike the warning sign above, this one involves a partner deliberately keeping a secret. If you or your partner are doing something nebulous or questionable outside of the relationship, these activities have to stop. Likewise, hiding a family secret or personal detail in a long term relationship is a sign that you do not trust the other person. If you are afraid that your partner will use the information against you later on, you probably should not bother to be with him. Couples must be able to share their secrets and have an open dialogue with each other.
Communication Has Ended
One of the last warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is when communication ends. If you have spent hours or days without talking to your partner, you are no longer in a relationship. At best, you have a friends with benefits situation. Relationships do not remain stable just because you have been together for a long time. Both partners have to continue to share feelings and information with each other. In addition, there should be more to the relationship than just sex. If you are substituting sex for communication, you are setting the relationship up to fail. Sex is an excellent complement to a strong relationship, but should not be the only part of your bond.
Sometimes, people do not end a bad relationship because they like being in love. Over time, it is easy to become accustomed to being in an endless stream of monogamous relationships. In these instances, people may no longer feel happy being alone and require a relationship to feel alive. Unfortunately, a successful relationship can only be developed by partners who are happy as individuals first. Once you are a completely whole and happy individual, you can try being in a relationship.
If you notice any of the warning signs above, you should find ways to work. Just because your relationship is not healthy now does not mean that you have the possibility to transform it into a positive one. Unless one of the partners in the relationship is abusive, there is always hope for a better future. The first step is to recognize the relationship’s problem and work on fixing it as a team.