10 things you only know if your best friend is hotter than you

Female friends are the best and your bff is the queen of them all.

You’ve been there for each other through thick and thin, good times and bad guys.

And, when it comes to your friendship you know looks don’t matter.

But, when you’re the Nicole to her Paris, the Janis to her Cady, the Tai to her Cher, certain things become the norm.

Here’s 10 things you only know if your best friend is hotter than you.

1. She thinks all men are lovely

This is because they are all lovely to her, because they want to sleep with her.

Meanwhile you get to see them being rude, gross and insensitive – all of which you helpfully report back to her, of course.

2. You never have to queue to get in anywhere

You’re happy to coast in past the lines of average-looking suckers on the back of her superior genes.

The times you go out without her are a bit of a shock.

Obstructive doormen?! Barmen who aren’t desperate to serve you free drinks?! Crowds of men who don’t part like the Red Sea to let you pass?! This is no way to live.

3. She has an army of male ‘friends’ and says she’ll set you up 

But you know this will never happen because they’re all clearly in love with her.

15 things you only know if your best friend is hotter than you

4. You get all the benefits of being a hot person without having to put the work in to becoming one

You know how hard she works at the gym, how she hasn’t eaten a burger since 2008, the time and money she spends in the salons and the hours she puts into perfecting her already gorgeous face each day.

You’ve seen it and you know it’s not for you.

It makes far more sense to eat chips, not give a crap about your hair AND always get into VIP.

5. It’s always weird introducing her to family members

Even your dad says she’s beautiful. Ew.

15 things you only know if your best friend is hotter than you

6. You’re funnier than she is

You know it, she knows it, guys know it.

They come over for the scenery and stay for the show.

7. Although she does tell jokes sometimes

These include ‘I look awful today,’ ‘my tummy’s so big’ and ‘I’ll never meet the right guy’.

Hahahahahahaha.

15 things you only know if your best friend is hotter than you
Yeah, you’re really looking shoddy today, girl (Picture: Gilbert Carrasquillo/FilmMagic)

8. She offers to lend you outfits that will simply not work on your body

You have a carefully-constructed wardrobe of items to express your personality, hide your crap bits and enhance your good bits.

All her bits are good bits. A bandage dress will only make you look like an over-stuffed sausage / curveless man-woman.

9. She always starts sentences with ‘you know how guys…?’

NO. You don’t.

Especially when the above is followed by baffling statements to do with the kind of behaviour usually only displayed by unneutered dogs.

The Truth About Cat And Dogs (Picture: Twentieth Century Fox)
The Truth About Cat And Dogs had it right (Picture: Twentieth Century Fox)

10. You’re really good at ‘managing people’s expectations’

She’s got a partner already but they don’t know that, the poor dears.

You have had years of giving men (and sometimes women) the gentle let down.

You could probably start a new career as George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air – firing people for a living.

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