Men think they’re better at hiding things (like that Tupperware that’s been sitting in their desk for 3 months growing mold) but they’re wrong — they make jokes about how bad we are at keeping secrets, but we’ve been keeping a lot from them:
1. How often we check his Facebook. And Twitter. And Instagram. And anything else we can get our hands on without getting caught.
2. How much we tell our bestie. Spoiler alert: EVERYTHING.
3. Period panties. Buried underneath the piles and piles of thongs and sexy underwear we never wear are the ugly — but oh so practical — panties we wear during that special time of the month.
4. Farts. We will blame the dog even if the dog is nowhere in sight…or smell.
5. How we get in those jeans. Because all they really care about is how to get us out of them anyway.
6. PMS. He knows when it’s that time of the month but admitting it is like admitting we don’t wash our bra everyday… which we don’t.
7. Where hairs really grow. After 30 the possibilities are endless.
8. Shaving habits. Sometimes our legs look like crop signs. What can’t be seen shall not be shaved!
9. How much money we make. We don’t want to emasculate him by breaking through that glass ceiling, and also, more money for us to spend selfishly on ourselves.
10. Our “real” number. There’s the number of people we’ve admitted to sleeping with and then there’s the number of people we’ve actually slept with… and it’s a lot higher.
11. Any contact with our ex. Just because we’ll flip at the slightest mention of his ex doesn’t mean we’ve stopped being “just friends” with ours.